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Does Gay Sex Hurt?

Though gay sex is in fact very broad and varied, most are talking about anal sex when they ask this question (it's just stereotypes and how it's covered that prompt us to think this way).


Because we're assuming that's what you mean, we'll take an in depth look at your bum (so to speak), and focus on how to prevent anal sex from hurting.


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Does Gay Anal Sex Hurt Painful

Should anal sex hurt the first time?


With the right preparation, taking it slow and listening to your body, unless you're trying to ride something too big or an object that isn't designed for anal play, there's no reason for anal sex to hurt, even on the first time.


That said, considering you're trying to insert an object into a place that's natural position is very much 'closed for business', it's not uncommon for a bit of pressure and perhaps mild discomfort as you get over the threshold. This is particularly true for those new to gay sex or if you try and go too quickly.


This is because sex isn't about pushing something in as you might think. It's more about being able to relax enough to LET it in. It's a small, but very big difference you'll learn, as gaining control over your anal sphincter muscles has a big role to play on whether anal sex hurts or not. You need to be able to keep relaxed enough to cope with the motion and feelings created by a penis, toy or fingers moving through your anal sphincter and in and out of your rectum.


Gay Age Gap Relationship in Bed
Being in his 60s, J has ummm, plenty of experience in this department shall we say

Preventing Anal Sex Pain - Starting Slow


I hate the break it to you, but it's not like the videos, where you see someone pretty much take a run up and just slot into a grinning partner that just says 'mmmmmmm'. These people are professionals (and have also likely had some off camera warming up). It's just not recorded because the moments or minutes trying to find the right angle, start to ease it in only to be forced back out, or moments break needed if you're not quite ready to take it and it hurts a bit, aren't seen as sexy.


Because of this, if you're wanting to experience anal sex, it's super important to use foreplay to get your bum ready to receive a man. The bigger the tool that's eventually going in, the more preparation is needed to get that bottom relaxed enough to accept it. What I'm trying to say is, start slow and take your time to get your bum in a position where it'll be receptive to a d*ck, and not clench and try and force it out.


How to Get Your Bum Ready for Anal Sex


Rimming can be a great way to start. Your anus having one of the most concentrated amount of nerve endings on your entire body, it can be super sensitive and enjoyable - I absolutely love it! Find a position either with your bum in the air, on your back with your legs raised, or riding them. Whatever way works to get their tongue touching and teasing you, and helping you relax.


Word of Warning: If you've douched and you're going to ride them, you want to be confident that you're sparkly and clean with no excess water that could come out when you relax, as that could be a real mood killer. For tips on how to douche see our full guide here.


Next up, fingers! Now your bum hole may have some spit on it from rimming, but it's very unlikely it's enough lubrication to properly finger someone. You might be able to play a bit, but spit dries out and it can be really painful trying to remove a finger if it's not slick down there.


So when using fingers, use plenty of lube - no butter, Vaseline, or other products that could be harmful to your bum please! - and always start with one finger and work your way up to two. If you're playing with someone extra girthy you might want to try three, but this is probably recommended to leave until you have a bit of practice.


gay finger
Fingers can be both enjoyable and a great way to get you ready for something a little larger

A Note on Toys

Learning how to get yourself relaxed enough to enjoy anal sex can take some time. However exploring your body and understanding what you like can be hugely helpful in making sex enjoyable and preventing pain. For more info on this, see our guide on How to Practice for First Time Bottoming, and our guide to Your First Time Having Gay Sex to help.


Getting It in and Starting Anal Sex Without Pain


So you're warmed up and relaxed, feeling some sexy feels, and believe you're ready for his d*ck. This next part is really important as it can be where things go most wrong.


First, especially if you're new, starting in a position where you're in control of the pace and angle of insertion helps enormously. Sitting on top of someone is a great way to go, as unless they buck their hips, you're in total control of how quickly things to in. Being on all fours or doggy style is perhaps your next best option as it can help open your anus more easily, and you can pull away easily if it gets too much for you. On your back with your legs up is a bit of a gamble if you're new to this, as they're in total control and you can't pull away if you start to feel any discomfort.


Note: We'd always recommend playing safe and using condoms, unless you're in a relationship with someone and have been tested. PREP is amazing, but there's plenty of things to catch beyond HIV.


Make sure you've got plenty of lube on them, and in/around your bum. Get in position and take it slow. You'll likely feel some pressure against your anus as you start to press his d*ck against it. Don't force too hard, as if it suddenly gives way and lets it in, if you're not ready for it it can give you a pain like nothing you've ever felt. If that does happen, just take it out, clench your teeth and ride out the pain. It'll usually subside in ten to twenty seconds.


If you're feeling any significant pain as he enters you, it's ok to stop and maybe you need a bit of warming up. Communication is super important at this point and making sure they're aware if you're new to this (there's no shame in it, we all start somewhere!), as this helps you both react quickly if something starts to hurt.


As you get them through the back door, you'll likely feel a release of pressure as his penis enters your rectum where there's some more space. Once inside, it's a good idea to just pause for a moment or two. Feel it inside you and relax a little. This will help when you start to move, and prevent any pangs of pain that could occur.


Start slow, and slowly increase speed and depth to a point that you're comfortable and enjoying the ride. Once you're confident, feel free to change positions - though be aware of the potential for any required cleanup.


Always stop if you encounter any pain, but apart from that you're all good to enjoy all the feels. See below for some additional tips that might help though.

Dildo size chart
Considering the average penis size, practice with something on the smaller, slimmer side of what's available

Anal Sex Pain with Large Penises and Toys


If you're playing with someone well endowed, you do in fact have a second sphincter inside your rectum about 5-7 inches in, that you have less control over. If they're big enough to be reaching this, you may need to also either ask them to thrust a bit more shallowly, or to take it slowly as your bum gets used to the pressure. It's most often hit if you're on your back as this straightens your rectum and makes it easier to access. It can make you feel like you need a pee, though that very rarely actually happens so don't worry too much about it.


Preventing Other Forms of Gay Sex from Hurting

  • Oral sex as a giver - Don't shove it in as you may hit their teeth or hurt their throat.

  • Oral sex as a receiver - open wide and avoid using teeth. relax your throat as much as you can and only take it in as far as you feel comfortable

  • Fingering - Start with one finger and work up to more if you wish. Use plenty of lube

  • Toys - start small and work up. Don't go too big or you can risk tears and/or internal bleeding

  • Ro

Side Note - It's not ALL About Anal Sex


Something I wish I'd know when I started exploring my sexuality, was that gay sex is not ALL about the ass.


Porn is structured to make us think everything else - hand jobs, oral sex, rimming, etc - is lesser to anal sex, and just a warmup at best. When I started dating men, I was permanently trying to move things along to the main event, and not just enjoying the other parts of sex.


Feel free to skip down to the info about it, but as a first little side note for those that are new to the world of gay sex (and one I wish I'd know about), gay sex is not ALL about that ass.


As much as porn may have you think that everything else is just a starter to the main course of anal, it's not. Yes anal sex can be wonderful. Fun, hot, relaxed, sexy, all sorts of emotions, don't worry about having to have anal sex every time you play with a partner. You'll come to realise as you explore, that many like anal sex, lots like it just occasionally, some - known as 'sides' simply aren't into anal at all! My point here is not to obsess and worry too much about always being ready for anal sex whenever you're with someone. Other forms of play are brilliant, and can often be better than anal sex.


Conclusion


Hopefully you can see that gay sex doesn't have to hurt if you:

- Take it slow

- Relax

- Warm up

- Communicate

- Take a break if you need to

and most of all have fun! It'll help you relax and enjoy each part more.


So if you're feeling ready nad prepared for it, go forth and enjoy pain free gay sex!


x Love The Age Gap Guys x



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