Updated: Jan 22
When it comes to attraction, a large age gap brings with it numerous nuances. One of arguably the biggest hurdles to overcome is the first. How to meet an older partner or younger partner?
From finding a fling to discovering marriage material, for gay men, actively finding a partner that’s significantly older or younger can feel much more difficult than for those seeking those similar to their age.
Aside from the reduced number of people genuinely interested in dating someone 15 years, 20 years, 30 years + apart from them (like TheAgeGapGuys have), location plays the biggest part. This isn't meaning physical distance between people – though that naturally impacts relationship sustainability – but the long term location (i.e. where you live and work) of the person seeking to meet an older / younger man.
Your location impacts an enormous array of things for gay men, including but not limited to:
The legality of homosexuality
Liberalness and acceptance of gay people and age gap relationships,
If there are many gay men residing nearby
Adoption and use of technology use,
Number of tourists
The cross section of ages and average age of those residing there,
As a result of all these variables, unfortunately there's no single magic answer to ‘how do I find an older partner or younger partner?’ However fear not, there is help for you yet in finding a relationship. We've put together a wide ranging list of ways for you to meet younger / older men, for you to mix and match as works with your location and personal situation.
Please note, your lives are yours to do with as you wish, however we always recommend with your personal safety and the law in mind as an important consideration when considering how to seek to meet an age difference partner.
Website and apps to find and Older / Younger Man For a Relationship
Age Gap Specific Apps
Daddy Hunt App are there specifically for finding your perfect Daddy - though despite its name, they aren't technically limited to older younger relationships. Whilst smaller than the likes of Grindr and Scruff, depending on your location the app is sizeable. More hook-up focused in reality, but with a greater focus on age gap interactions (as you can see from their blog), from a digital standpoint it’s a focused starting point that may be able to lead to a relationship, and let you be open about your desires without judgement.
Sudy – Sugar Daddy – is another app there to facilitate age gap relationships, however this is specifically focused around a sugar daddy - sugar baby relationship. For many this sort of relationship (described as 'win-win' on their website) has its mutual benefits and works perfectly well, so we’re not judging anyone for that. However it seems to only have any sort of real foothold in the US. As a digital offering it's quite clunky and doesn’t offer a particularly great users experience. If you are seeking a sugar daddy or sugar baby relationship this is a natural place to start, but is an offering very much limited to this field.
Pros: Able to be openly age gap seeking without judgment in environments specifically for age difference dating.
Cons: Strongest opportunities in city locations in some - generally western - countries, More hook-up focused in reality (Daddy Hunt).
Gay Age Gap Dating Sites
SilverDaddies.com is a more old-school website based option that is focused solely on older younger relationships. With a very active forum it can be a good place to talk to older men live for thoughts and advice too. Personally I don’t like the power balance suggested by the Daddies or ‘Admirers’ terminology used on site, and it has a North American skew, but you can read a full review of the site here.
this is just an example, but being the biggest we thought a good one to cover. Other gay dating websites for age differences that you can explore include: Silver Foxie, Caffmoscommunity, Apollo Network, Seeks Older, Gray Gay, and Daddy Dater. (let us know if you find others for us to add to the list!!)
Pros: Silver Daddies is age gap gay specific website (no app), with the greatest volume globally. Offers a safe space to easily engage with older daddies and younger men.
Cons: Much talk with little genuine meet-ups apparent, US focused and a dated interface and usability can make for a limited experience for some
Neutral: Generally older end of the spectrum user base – typically 70+ in age (may be a positive or negative for you depending on who you are seeking)
General Hook-up Apps
Grindr, Scruff, Hornet, Jack’d, Chappy, Growlr, Adam4Adam, Taimi, etc. General gay hookup apps can be the easiest way to make a quick connection in modern times. You can use your profile to explain specific things you’re looking for - though don’t expect people to necessarily read them! - and make a lot of initial flirtations with older or younger men a lot faster. From a pure numbers perspective with a higher overall volume on these apps you may find more older or younger guys. However considering the purpose (or at least use) of most the se apps, it'll likely be for a good time instead of a long time.
If you live in a high touristic area it can also be more difficult to find potential relationship material with a high percentage flitting in and out of your location. Also in locations less accepting of homosexuality you may be faced with a sea of blank profiles that can be hard to navigate - and potentially more dangerous too.
Pros: The go-to for most gay men, enabling fast free (unless you upgrade) fun, with the possibility for something more.
Cons: Not age difference specific, and more hookup than relationship focused. Possibly hard to locate the right man for you.
Mainstream Dating Sites and Apps
Your eHarmoney, Match.com, Tinder, Bumbles etc of the world. Their digital nature and occasional use of algorithms can make them more effort-light than constant scrolling and refreshing of other apps, and quicker than 'real life' interaction efforts.. However often with a higher focus on male-female relationships your chances of finding a partner can be significantly reduced. Often major sites come with quite a heavy monthly price tag attached, so using a free trial can be a way to dip your toe in the water before diving in fully.
Pros: Premium services on dating sites, with algorithms making matches possible
Cons: Few appropriate men and sometimes high costs. Some dating apps have now become more quick sex apps depending on your location
Chatrooms and forums
Chatrooms like MenGayChat.com are often one of the starting places for young men exploring their sexuality, and there are various chatrooms where you can identify people from their age and location, as well as specific younger older chatrooms. This can offer a way to find people you might be interested in. In reality there's a lot of sex talk and camming with few real interactions beyond cyberland, though for those seeking advice on companionship it can be a simple and safe way to dip your toe in the water.
Other forums like Reddit's r/GayYoungOld can be a wonderful place to seek advice and engage with the age gap community in a supportive way. Their relatively new subreddit r/GayYoungOldDating offer an additional way to specifically seek out a gay young old (their phase for it) relationship. Whilst small in size, it can be worth a look, and if nothing else through the main forum you'll undoubtedly feel welcomed into the niche community we exist in.
How to Find an Age Gap Relationship Real World
Putting aside our apps and websites for a moment (shocking i know!!), there are in fact still ways to meet people in the real world!! Some of these are definitely more old school, but in more LGBTQ+ adverse locations they may prove a valuable option.
Local gay bars
Gay bars can be a great way to easily be around a number of other gay men. Some bars gain reputations for drawing certain types of people too - e.g in Soho London the Admiral Duncan can draw an older crowd whilst the Duke of Wellington is a bear bar. - so a bit of research can help you identify a place with the right crowd for you, and increase your likelihood of finding a man in your age preference.
Whilst as a single person it can be hard and intimidating to penetrate groups of friends, you may be able to find single men a the bar to talk to. Alternatively, using an app whilst at or near a bar may let you initiate a conversation with someone and have them peel away from the pack.
Local Gay Clubs
Gay clubs are usually frequented more by younger crowds so less helpful for younger men seeking older. However for those seeking those in their 20s and 30s this can be a place of abundance. Whilst from the clientele around, your desired match may not actively be seeking an older partner on that specific night, you'll stand out in the crowd to those that might be interested in an older man.
Pros: Lots of younger guys, and a place where you can stand out
Cons: Few older guys, conversations hard to initiate.
Gay hobby and sports clubs
In more LGBTQ+ progressive cities like London, New York, Sydney etc (and increasingly smaller towns and locations), there are more and more societies, groups, and sports clubs popping up to serve the LGBTQ+ community. Salsa, gaming, bowling, tennis, rugby, literature, cinema, you name it, there are groups to suit all tastes and interests.
Though the focus of all these clubs is generally on sports and friendship, numerous relationships inevitably spring up from these clubs. I met my partner at London’s LGBTQ+ squash club Outplay, and from my time playing rugby I know many relationships (and many times more hook-ups) have occurred at the Kings Cross Steelers.
Pros: Casual way to meet and get to know people, with clubs often having a people from a range of backgrounds
Cons: Can get freind-zoned, not the purpose of these clubs so can be a lot of effort (and not advised) if your sole aim is to meet a partner
Generally only found in gay friendly towns and cities, these can be places to meet for hook-ups, normally with mainly local people and some visitors. Occasionally some places - e.g. Istanbul - can have certain Hammams and saunas that are known to have certain clientele, though if you misread behaviours you may end up getting kicked out sharpish!
As well as the mazes and saunas for hooking up, these usually have seating areas to relax, and whilst normally the saunas and jacuzzies themselves are quiet, occasionally you get people that chat that you can get to know a little. Before or after the deed, it’s your choice!
You may occasionally find men's saunas in gyms, or similar that are not specifically labelled as gay, but are frequented by gay men and have a local reputation for such. This is usually best researched online, or by feeling the vibe when you are there - and obviously caution should be had! As a proof that a relationship can occur from a sauna encounter, my partner found 3 and 7 year relationships resulting from gay and 'straight' sauna experiences.
Pros: Some fun with the possibility for more where you make a connection. Majority of attendees usually locals
Cons: Generally unlikely for people looking for more than a relationship
Gay and Nudist beaches
This is a heavily location dependent one, but gay or gay friendly beaches like those in Sitges, Maspalomas etc, can be a great place for a more casual encounter with other gay men. Whilst in season they can be naturally trawling with tourists and make things difficult, you may be able to spot regulars to engage with, or use apps to gauge who’s a local for you to focus your attentions on and start up a conversation with.
Nudist beaches can be a useful way in less gay friendly locations to find interested partners. Single men wandering along beaches offering sauna house-esque lingering glances can give small indications to follow up on. Some locations may have reputations for ‘a certain type of man’ that may help you decide on your choice of beach on your next trip away, though this is far from a sure fire win.
Pros: Helpful in less tolerant environments (caution advised though), and some eye candy if nothing else!
Cons: Not a high amount of people or success rate.
Gay Cruising Spots
A more old school way of meeting men, but sometimes more prevalent in countries and cities that are less gay-friendly – though in this digital age you can still head to London’s Clapham Common on a Saturday night and find some cruising happening. Often some internet sourcing or local knowledge is needed to find such spots. We would heavily advise caution before exploring this as an option to meet other men as there is a degree of risk to personal safety (and potentially legality) that comes with cruising. It is also mainly undertaken for the purposes of sex. Whilst it may be an interaction that can lead to a relationships, it isn’t likely. Proceed with caution.
Pros: A bit of frivolous fun
Cons: Hookup focused, low success rate for a relationship. Potentially risky activity.
So there you have it, whilst not a single way to find an age difference relationship, you're fully equipped with a variety of techniques to go about finding a partner. If you have any other suggestions, feel free to drop a note and we can include them in the list!
The Age Gap Guys x
Images from: Wired, Visit Brighton, Medical News Today, Facebook, TripSavy, Out For Sport, Wikimedia