I may be biased, but older men can be very sexy; though I'm guessing you quite like older guys too ; ) ... or at least there's one mature man in your life you'd like to get the attention of.
As a younger person, getting an older man to notice you can feel intimidating, can't it? They're more mature and settled both in themselves and in life, so the contrast to your rent-a-room fledging career lifestyle, can make the idea of flirting feel daunting. Well fear not. As someone that's, shall we say, successfully attracted more than a few older men, I'm here to help with a bunch of tips to help get their attention.
Top Tips for Attracting and Older Man: How to Talk, Act, and Dress
Don't Ignore The Age Gap ... But Don't Focus on it Either
There's a line to tread when you have different ages and are flirting. Burying you head in the sand and pretending the gap doesn't exist doesn't help anyone. It can mean you have to avoid natural responses, or dodge obvious questions that could lead to more interesting conversation that lets sparks fly.
That doesn't mean however that you have to repeatedly draw attention to the age difference. Those in age gap relationships will say that the difference is a small aspect that sometimes impacts their relationship, but firstly they're just a couple! As such, just talk about it when it comes up naturally in conversation, but don't deliberately keep drawing attention to it.
Don't Assume They're Wealthy
Whilst being older they may be further along in their career than you, it doesn't necessarily mean they're loaded with cash. People may have mortgages, exes, children, and other financial commitments. So if you're talking to them like they're minted, it can give off strong gold digger vibes, which won't help you connect with them. If you're after a sugar daddy I'd advise going directly to sites that cater for that, as it's a better place to start.
Be Open About your Attraction to Older Men
This is a bolder one, but if you're feeling the connection, it can be ok to say that you're attracted to older men. Sometimes older guys can be nervous about coming across as a creep or perv, so can hold back even when there are some big signs of interest. So if you're feeling a connection but get the sense they're holding back, you can say that you like older guys, perhaps adding some of the characteristics you like in older men - whether their appearance, maturity and lack of drama, or others. Heck, you may even go so far as complimenting them!
Personally I've said I quite like the salt and pepper hair colour (no idea why but i do), slightly more cuddly bod, and that you can have some interesting conversations with older men due to their experience. This tactic is best done in a fairly relaxed way when you're getting on well, and can be a good segway into giving them a direct compliment (e.g. I dont' know why but really like more silvery hair / really / yeah! I think it makes guys look more distinguished and attractive - yours looks great. As this is a bit of a gamble, in case you've missread the situation, just be conscious of how to turn it into just a general compliment - though most guys won't mind as few get compliments on their appearance often!
Use Positive Body Language To Help Your Words Connect
Positive, open body language is the most important part of communication - countless studies have proven this (have a quick google if needed). You can be saying the most charming things, but if you're closed off with crossed arms or looking moody or disinterested, your words won't come across. You don't need to be jumping for joy or grinning like the Cheshire Cat, but simply having open, comfortable stance or sitting position, facing the older man you're attracted to, with a neutral or slight smile, will help you build a rapport.
Gradually trying to match their body poses is a process called mirroring and matching. If you get a good rapport with them, you might notice later on that if you casually strike a new pose like leaning back in your chair or having one hand on the table, they might copy you without realising!! It's a great sign that they're connecting with you. Don't pull ridiculous poses like star jumps to test this though, it might be a bit obvious.
Don't expect them to pay - show your financial independence
It's the 21st century. Let's have some equality in dating here people. Whatever your gender or sexuality, you shouldn't be expecting or demanding someone to pay for you. This goes for whether you're dating, at the bar grabbing a drink or just out for a coffee. In fact, showing an older man that you're financially independent can help get away from the stereotypes around being a gold digger early, which both of you may have concerns about. This helps make you as a prospective partner seem more viable and can up your attraction level.
That said, don't go spending loads of cash you don't have. This is likely further down the line, but don't get yourself into debt for the sake of a relationship. Being in different financial situations can mean you need to create balance. See our guide on who pays for what in ana age gap relationship to help here.
It's a simple one but bears a lot of attention as it's an important one. Whatever 'you' is....be it!! In reality that may not be to everyone's taste; but that's ok - I'm sure not everyone is to your taste either! In being yourself, you'll ensure that your personality shines through and you're able to forge a more genuine connection with whoever you click with. Pretending to be someone you're not, isn't sustainable. If they fall for your performance version of yourself, it's not the real you, and once the facade falls it likely won't last.
Find Your Common Interests
Being in a different life stage they may have a slightly different lifestyle to you - e.g. More wine and cheese than shots in clubs. It can therefore take a bit of conversational meandering, but finding something you can connect over is a great way to flirt with an older man. People often come to life when they talk about something they're passionate about, and will respond well if it's something you show an interest in as well.
Avoid work (unless you're both really interested in it), but ask perhaps something like 'what do you enjoy doing outside of work?' can be a great start. If you're struggling, easy areas to discuss are often travel, TV shows/films, sport/fitness, and general hobbies. I love the question 'what have you done recently that you've enjoyed?' as this lets you find out what it is they're passionate about.
Help them with Technology
Older men grew up at a time before social media or the internet. Because of this, they're often a bit behind the times and may not pick things up as quickly as digital natives. You may need some patients (trust me on this, this happens a lot with J and I!!), but engaging them and explaining some of these areas is often appreciated. Even how to take a photo or offering to sort a tech problem out for them can be a great way to quickly show a small area of value you could bring to a partnership.
Smile and nod
We're not saying plastering on an inane grin, but try to avoid the resting bitch face please. Appearing friendly and smiling and nodding along while they're talking shows you're 'active listening' and engaged with what they have to say. It's a flattering thing to do and gets people talking more. Plus a subtle smile can be great way to flirt with them and be memorable after you've left. Get them thinking about you when you're not there and you're doing great.
Ask questions - The Biggest Tip!
Be curious aobut their perspectives from a different generation or life situation. It can make natural conversation shows you're aware of the age gap, but value the experience it brings them. A big thing those in older younger relationships often enjoy is the reciprocal sharing of knowledge, so let them share, learn and enjoy.
Asking questions aobut people has got to be one of the biggest weapons in creating rapport. The more you can learn about someone the more you can understand them. What makes them tick? What do they like and not like? You can then use that information to steer conversation in particular ways that will resonate with them and help create a better connection between you.
Be Mature ... Or at Least Don't Be Childish
To simply say 'act mature' is unfair, as pretending to be someone you are not isn't being yourself. However, there are shades to this. What's meant more is don't be brattish, and try to act like an adult. In age gap relationships, older men often value the youthfulness and energy of their partner, however they're not looking to babysit a kid. They still want mature and interesting conversation, and for someone to be responsible and sensible. It's still a two way relationship after all.
Practice Active Listening
So many of us - I'm guilty of this too - aren't always properly listening when other speak. We'll listen for a moment, then have a thought, and then just wait for a pause in conversation before we jump in with our point. It's done by a lot of people, and easy to fall into doing, but doesn't make for positive conversation. If you have a thought, just try to park it and keep listening to what they have to say. You'll still get the chance to say your piece when they've finished, but often other things pop up or might be more interesting to follow on from. Nod, smile, and give verbal reactions - 'mm-hmmms' /'oh really?' etc - to show them that you're engaged with what they're saying. Together this will help you have better conversations and also show them you value what they're saying - just cutting in all the time to get your point across.
How to Dress
This is a nuanced one, as everyone has their own dress sense. It'd be hypocritical to say 'be yourself' on one hand and then 'dress like this' on the other. So most importantly, dress in a way that makes you feel confident. If you can, also be mindful of the person you're wanting to flirt with (if you have time to plan). What's their style? Are they more smart of causal, are their clothes relaxed or well fitting? Matching their vibe can be a subtle hint of compatibility, so can go in your favour. As a quick hint, older guys tend to dress more conservatively, and more often on the slightly smarter side - fewer hoodies and ripped jeans.
Subtle Body Contact
We're not saying grab and hold their hands and stare deeply into their eyes, or do anything inappropriate. However naturally creating body contact can be a great way to increase the electricity between you. A light touch on their upper arm is a great but subtle move. You can do this when laughing at a joke, brushing past them to get past, or politely interrupting them in another conversation to offer them a drink. We rarely physically touch others around us, so even a small touch is a step up and towards intimacy. As a more subtle option, a cheeky bit of eye contact with a subtle smile from across the room can be something to get the butterflies fluttering.
Be Respectful of their Age - Limit the jokes to start...
Before you've established a rapport with someone and know the lines of jokes, age based jokes are best avoided. Whilst some don't mind it at all, some can be sensitive about their age. If you're wanting them to think positively of you, you're not wanting them to be feeling bad while talking to you.
So don't make them feel old. Something many older men like in younger women and men, is that they make them feel youthful and fun. The odd little joke can be playful and fun, and even help put them at ease in acknowledging the elephant in the room, but err on the side of caution on going too heavy before you know them better.
Follow Up Afterwards
Find an excuse to get their number. Whether it's over a hobby you connect on, or even something you can just say 'oh you might like this / find it useful' I'll send it to you. You've then got a direct line to them for later. Follow up with what you've promised (not straight away after you've left), and just let them know you enjoyed your conversation. See where the conversation then goes and
There you have it! a whole load of tips on how to flirt with older men. Whilst some aren't age gap specific, it doesn't mean they're not super important! So take your pick, get out there and flirting at your next party or trip to the bar.
As a few final thoughts to help make sure these tips are as useful to you as possible:
Pick the tips that work for you. We're all different, so what fits you, your natural style and personality will be different than for others.
Experiment and switch it up. Some things might work better or worse depending on the situation you find yourself in, and person you're wanting to attract. Have your go to tactics, but don't be afraid to try new ideas.
Don't worry if things don't quite work. Sometimes you just don't quite click with someone. It's no-one's fault and will happen (you can't expect to bag everyone you fancy I'm afraid). There's no need to get down on yourself, but just move on and there'll be another older guy just around the corner for you to flex your flirtatious muscles on
Note: Obviously flirting with older men should only be dating when you're of legal age and feel emotionally ready and mature enough to be engaging with others romantically. Don't ever feel pressured to start having sex, or seek to coerce others into sexual or romantic encounters for personal gain.
x @AgeGapGuys x