We hope you found Part 1 helpful and interesting (click here if you missed it). Here's Part 2 of our top tips to help kick off your exciting new age gap relationship successfully
Please remember however that this is just guidance. Every person and relationship is different and should be treated as such, but we hope everyone can find at least a few principles below that can help.
Tips 6-9
Tip 6: Be Yourself and Embrace Your Differences
It feels obvious, but it can be easy to forget. When your younger partner might be more tech savvy or fitter...or your older partner might be more knowledgeable and experienced...it can be tempting to try and change our behaviours to try and impress them or feel like you're on a par with them.
In doing this however we are firstly not brining our authentic selves to the relationship. Not only can this be draining on ourselves, but it can prevent your partner getting to know the real you. We can all try to impress those we like as we want them to like us back, but make sure you're still being true to yourself.
Secondly, those younger and older commonly cite the same reasons for being attracted to those of a different generation. Namely;
Younger bring: Energy, excitement exploration, curiosity, modernity
Older brings: Knowledge, experience, calmness, confidence, stability
Altering how we act can unwittingly end up withdrawing characteristics the other is seeking. They say opposites attract and this is rarely more true than in age gap relationships. Don't be frustrated if you don't sync up 100% - no couples do!! - but embrace your differences, learn from each other and enjoy the exploration together.
Tip 7: Don't Judge Yourself
Due to being more unusual in society and the negative stereotypes that can surround age gap relationships, many new to such relationships can judge themselves negatively. Feelings of guilt, embarrassment, shame, self-loathing aren't uncommon to occur.
There can be many reasons including and beyond being an an age gap relationship for negative feelings towards oneself. If these feelings are affecting you we would absolutely recommend seeking professional advice - there is NO SHAME in asking for help with your mental health!! What we can add however is that that you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about in your attraction to your partner. We are all individuals that deserve happiness. As long as you and your partner are acting autonomously, legally, with consent, you have a right to be loved and enjoy that love.
Tip 8: Don't let the other's Judgments Affect Your Happiness
Unfortunately due to the stereotypes around age gap relationships, you may find yourself under some scrutiny or judgment of others.
Some can find the concept of age gap relationships difficult to comprehend. As human beings we try to relate new experiences to those within the realms of our knowledge. This thought process has been encoded into us from 000s of years and has helped us survive as a species. That wiggly thing looks like what bit Jeff the other day, i'll leave it alone. If you don't know what a belt is, you naturally treat like something you can relate it to. Consequently, being compared to a 'gold digger' due to that person reading a magazine article can happen, or comments such as 'it's like dating your dad' etc may arise. Just as dating someone in similar age to you is not like dating your brother / sister, naturally that's not the case, but you can see now why it happens.
This is a wide ranging topic, however for a few pieces of advice, firstly, you must remember that your relationship is about you and your partner. It's nothing to do with the strangers on the bus or at the shops. A tip my dad always said to me for these people is 'you'll never see them again in your life, so why let their opinions worry you? Do what makes you happy,' and it has been amazing advice. Early in our relationship I was very conscious of others, however this really helped J and I not to care.
Family and friends can be a slightly different realm, as their opinions naturally matter more to you. The biggest thing to remember is that they care for you and want you to be happy. Being with a partner significantly older or younger than you doesn't change you as a relative, friend or person. You don't need to rush into introductions, and first take time to become a couple. When you do introduce your partner to them, your confidence and happiness will project more successfully than if you're brand new and uncertain of the relationship yourselves. If they love you and can see that you are happy and safe together and neither is taking advantage of the other, they will hopefully come around. Depending on how deep your friends'/relatives stigma goes may mean this process of acceptance takes some time and you need to have some serious conversations. Even though J is 3 years older than him, he now calls him 'dad'!! (Crazy I know!)
Tip 9: Get on a Sexual Wavelength
The sexual dynamic in age gap relationships can be unique to each couple. Older partners are likely to have (but not always) slightly lower sex drives than their younger partners. However what they may lack in frequency they often make up for in experience. If your relationship is a sexual one, enjoy it!! Explore with each other, have fun, communicate what you enjoy, don't like, want to try, etc and figure out your dynamics and boundaries.
Super importantly, don't judge others for their likes and dislikes - particularly when it comes to the kinky stuff. Sharing sexual desires is a deeply personal thing and being shamed for it can prevent our partners bringing their full selves to the bedroom and hinder your sexual connection. You may have some red lines but try and be willing to be there for your partner, and you'll bother get more out of your sex life.
So there you have it. 9 killer tips for a successful May-December relationship. Hopefully that's helped you a little and given you a bit of guidance and confidence as you get all loved up and excited with your new partner. Drop us a message if you've got any of your own and we can add them in or write something separate about them.
Love,
The Age Gap Guys x
(@TheAgeGapGuys on Instagram)