Updated: Jan 5
Like most developments in sexual identity, realising/accepting you like older men is rarely a single light bulb moment. For many - and for me - part of understanding my homosexuality involved increasingly bright flickers of attraction towards men, until the flame became too hot and bright to ignore.
The first instance of this goes years before I allowed myself to accept I was gay.
I’d managed to somehow haul the closet I was in to Brighton Pride whilst at Uni. Whilst in the wondrous Preston Park, I recall a group of about 4/5 men standing out in the open nearby. They had their tops off and were in jeans, with a few nonchalantly wearing leather harnesses as they laughed over cool beer.
At the time I was vehemently ‘not gay’ and my lingering looks were of course purely of interest in their attire and of heterosexual ‘appreciation’ of a handsome gentleman. All in their mid 40s-early 50s, were very much appreciated.. One man, fairly muscular but with a slight tummy, stood out to me and I remember clearly thinking:
‘if that guy offered me a drink, I’d say yes.’
...not in a gay way though of course. [queue eye roll]
Hanging about after my friends wandered off under the pretence of a non-existent phone call, I secretly yearned for eye contact, a hello, or some invitation into their world as I pretended to poke buttons on my phone. It was during this that the lightbulb of recognition of attraction briefly lit up. After a few minutes without engaging them though, I wandered off feeling very low, and highly confused. I went home soon afterwards and got exceedingly drunk in an attempt to ignore the feelings that had stirred. The next day I had cricket and watched football. A straight man’s sports. I was back on track from the silly Pride induced thoughts.
It wasn’t until a few years later when up in London and in the process of coming out that my exclusive attraction to older men was understood and accepted. Not finding guys attractive at school or Uni makes sense now, as they were my age. Now I was around more older people, and I started to notice them more and gradually let myself find them attractive. After a while I realised it was solely older men that were peaking my interest. It wasn’t something I deliberately sought after - I chatted to guys of various ages - but it was always older men than me that I felt a connection with.
To extend the narrative slightly, this led to my first date with M., who was 30 when I was 23. I wasn’t focused on how old he was, it was just that I found him attractive and he was a nice guy - though my schoolyard self was shocked that I was dating someone more than +/- 1 year my age. After 4 months together we broke up and I later found Jeremy, who was 55 at the time.
As our relationship has developed I’ve grown to not just realise I like older men, but accept it. Whilst to start it was an issue to overcome, it’s now just one of the many facets of my personality. Like most, primarily I’m attracted to a person. Their personality, their physique, etc. They just happen to always older than me.
Anyway that’s my story (and a bit more) of how I came to realise I like older men. When did you realise you liked older or younger men? Comment below and let us know!