All the time we get asked by younger gay guys:
"Can you help me get an older boyfriend? Where can I find an older gay man to date?"
To these questions, this post is an attempt to help you meet an older gay man for fun or with boyfriend intentions. (and before you ask us, no we don't introduce strangers to our older gay friends ... and also, you can't have J!! haha).
As a younger guy that's attracted to older men, it can be frustrating when most of your friends and colleagues are near(ish) to your age. It can make finding an older boyfriend difficult - others have it easy, right?!
So exactly how do you find an older man to date? Well as everyone's different in what they're looking for, their environment - e.g. is it gay friendly/not - we've gone through methods and tactics to help you find a mature gay guy. We've even rated them so you can figure out the best options for your personal situation.
How to Find an Older Gay Man? The Best Options
Gay Bars: Simple...but with tactics
I know, I know, we're starting old school here. However there are nuances to meeting older men in gay bars that are different to meeting younger guys, so we thought it worthwhile going through.
Beyond simply infiltrating groups of older gay guys via flirtatious looks from across the bar, you can sometimes spot lone rangers propped up at the bar to engage. They may just be out for a drink, feeling the vibe, or on the prowl. However finding an older man wallflower is not uncommon in gay bars.
If they're the sort of guy you're into, prop yourself nearby and try and make eye contact (a very British way of engaging), or if you're bolder, simply go and say hey and see if they fancy a chat. They may say they're just chilling, but no biggie, just move onto another spot. If you're not brave enough for this vocal boldness, you can use whatever hookup app is popular where you are and see if they're online there to open a chat with. Be conscious though that older men are less likely to be on these apps.
Beyond this, if you're in an area with multiple gay bars, some get reputations for certain clientele. Like in London's Soho, the Duke of Wellington is a known Bear bar, and the Kings arms on Poland street attracts a similar, but possibly slightly older crowd. Unfortunately the City of Quebec that used to be renowned as having a older gay crowd - J said it was commonly called the 'elephant's graveyard'!! - has a different vibe under new management, but you get the approach. If you're visiting a city or new place, have a look at reviews of bars to check out who will be there
Older Gay Dating Websites: Go oldschool for the older dudes
Being older, they came to the internet a bit later in life. Those being 50 or 60 plus are sometimes less on the pulse with the latest apps and technologies. As such older gentlemen sometimes stick to what they first engaged with when they were more adventurous, but still does the job. This is why gay specific sites such as
SilverDaddies are huge (particularly in the US)
Gay Romeo can be a popular option in mainland Europe (less so in the UK),
Adam4Adam - globally sizeable, more hookup focused
Gaydar - J's old favourite, it's less popular but still there
FabGuys (UK, not just city focused).
Whilst often more clunky an experience, the benefit for you is that with most younger guys defaulting to Grindr or Scruff, the ratio of Daddies to younger guys can be much greater.
Chats being often by message/email can mean that the vibe here is a bit slower, and more Mr Right than Mr Right now. You also have your bigger sites like Match, OK Cupid, that technically have size and magical algorithms, but carry heavy monthly price tags, and being heterosexual focused your pool of potential matches is small.
If you're more of an exhibitionist and enjoy hanging out au naturelle, Naked Mates is a lovely community to explore. Whilst again quite lo-fi (though getting an overhaul shortly), people are welcoming, friendly, and there are plenty of parties, meet-ups - even holidays! - hosted by members. The lovely founder Mark has confirmed there's a skew towards older guys on the site. So if you're into hanging out naked it can be a great way to meet older guys for naked fun, friendship and fuc-...well you get where I'm going.
Gay Social Societies and Sports Clubs: Connect through interests
This usually only occurs in quite accepting / LGBTQ+ advanced areas, but can be an amazing way to meet older gay guys, both for relationships and also as friends. (We realise we may be biased here however as we met at London's LGBTQ+ squash club).
Looking at them separately:
Facebook groups, or sites like Meetup can create great opportunities to find societies for all sorts. Gay book clubs, lectures , walking/hiking , bridge, just about everything. We've mentioned these as, whilst older gay men can be interested in all sorts of pastimes, these seem to skew more highly for mature guys.
These clubs are often larger in size, but have fewer older members than social societies mentioned. As people age they usually become less physically active, so numbers dwindle. As such you may get people in their 40s, some in their 50s, and a few in their 60s. Some sports have a higher prevalence of older men as members, like golf, tennis, chess, and in particular bowls and boule/patonk. Alternatively, gay men may simply move into the more social side of a sport they played as a junior - most common in larger LGBTQ+ sports clubs like football and rugby. This advice comes from someone that's been engaged with LGBTQ+ rugby, squash, cricket, badminton, golf and tennis groups (I like sport (and older guys) a lot haha!!).
So find others that share your passions either online or in person, and arrange a game, join a club, and go have some fun! If there's not a club near you, you can always make a simple site or Facebook page and start your own!!
Gay Dating Apps for Finding Older Guys: Come here Daddy...Or...ok, I'll come to you
Ok ok, you've waited long enough, let's talk about the orange elephant in the room; apps.
There are now more apps than you can shake a stick at, so let's focus. Apps can be looked at in terms of size and relevance. Grindr, Scruff and Adam4 Adamare the largest out there that are most universally available. These have everyone on there so aren't specifically targeted towards finding an older man. This is where using filters - age range, tribes (e.g. daddy) - as well as properly filling out your profile - adding your tribes, preferences (don't put dislikes, it's rude and othering) - helps. This not only helps you find older guys, but helps older guys that find you see there might be a fit. I've fallen foul of this and been messaged by older men I've contacted saying 'Oh I looked at your profile, but figured you wouldn't be interested.'
More specific or smaller apps like Daddy Hunt or Gay Romeo are much stronger in, well, hunting daddies. They are usually strongest around major cities, but worth checking out in your area, or when travelling to a city if you're keen to sample the local cuisine. Daddy Hunt in particular, given the name and their ethos around age gap gay dating and hookups, is a space you can really be yourself and people wont' be shocked by using the D word (not everyone likes the term Daddy).
If you're seeking a sugar daddy, Sudy could be an option. It's small and niche app, but caters to this audience well. There appears to be a fair few catfishes on there so be careful in who you get involved with. To learn about sugar daddy relationships and how to engage in such a relationship properly, the subbReddit R/SugarLifestyle is a good place to start.
Gay Saunas: A Simple Way to Get Steamy
If you're looking for a good time not a long time, saunas can be a good quick fix for younger guys, helping avoid the hours of scrolling and fruitless hours that can occur on apps.
Gay saunas can get a wide age range of visitors. However it's an often popular haunt for middle aged and older gay men looking for some no-strings fun. Though usually only found in cities and not universally available, they can be a good place to particularly on weekends, and earlier in the day. Often around 4-7pm can be a good time to go - but check online or call up and ask beforehand. The post club crowd of younger drunk guys may head there later on in the early hours after a night out so you're more likely to stand out as a younger available guy when less others are about.
Nudist Beaches: Fun in the Sun
Obviously these aren't everywhere, but if you're going to a gay friendly town, it can be worth checking out the nudist beach - particularly if it's specifically gay. Anyone that has been to Playa Balmains in Sitges, Spain will tell you, it's mainly gay older guys that go there. That means 1. a plethora of older guys during high season, and 2. You stand out more as a younger guy.
A er, [cough] friend told me [cough] that you can happily pop in a podcast and go for a wander up and down the beach or in and out the water. It's more rare for strangers to talk, but this is coming from a British couple - it's just not the done thing dear. Whether you get chatting, swap some flirtatious looks to follow up on in the bars later, or ping some messages on the locally popular hookup app(s), it can be a bit of eye candy fun if nothing else.
Gay Holidays and Gay Cruises: Cruising ... but this time it's on a Boat
Cruises are commonly known as attracting older men (and women). They still want to adventure and see sites and new places, but like the idea of comfort and cocktails while doing so. They're not for everyone (my dad and some friends love them, but whilst we've thought about it we don't like the idea of having itineraries and dictated structure), but can be a good way to have a holiday and also a little holiday romance. Be warned however that it's not worth going on specifically to find guys, as if you don't you can find yourself stuck on a boat you don't want to be on for a week.
Gay holidays offer similar, but with more flexibility. Going to a gay destination like Miykonos, Fire Island, Sitges, San Juan, Gran Canaria, etc, you will be able to employ a bunch of the previously mentioned tactics.
Where to Find and Older Boyfriend? Other Options
We've gone through some of the easiest ways to find an older gay man. However here are a few other options both physical and virtual to complete your arsenal of methods for bagging a boyfriend (...or bang!!).
Naughty Nights: Fast and frivolous fun
Sex clubs in general have a healthy number of older guys. You often also have a variety of themed nights to choose from - occasionally specifically for older younger daliances. So if there are x-rated nights that occur in your town or where you're visiting on a trip, they can be a good place to find an older guy for some no-strings fun. Always remember to play safe though!!
Chat, Cam and Forum Sites
Lots of people can be nervous, embarrassed and self conscious as they discover themselves finding older men attractive. As such chat and cam sites can be an easy and safe way to chat and connect with older guys at a distance. Make sure you don't give out any personal information in these places however, and watch out for catfishes and people demanding pics and videos from you. Be safe, secure, explore and have fun.
You're less likely to find older guys in gay clubs, but if you're a dancing queen, then you might find you get on like a house on fire. Be aware however that you may have some stiff competition to attract their attention however. Try to go earlier rather than later, as they're less likely to be ones still going at 5am.
There you have our complete guide to finding and older gay guy!! Phew!! That was a lot. But you should be super up to speed on your options, what might work for you in your personal situation. Whether for a night or a lifetime, you've now got all the tips to increase your chances of finding a match. If you have any other tricks of the trade, feel free to comment below or message us and we'll add good ones to the list. Sharing is caring!
x The Age Gap Guys x