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Difference in Sex Drive: Older Younger Gay Age Gap Relationship Issues

Something that can arise as an issue in old young gay relationships is a different level of sex drive between the two partners.

It's not always the case, but it's more common for a lower sex drive to be with the older partner. As we age, our levels of testosterone (in men) and oestrogen (in women) reduce. These hormones have a big part to play in our desire for sex, though there can be some other medical reasons behind it:

Identified medical reasons for low sex drive

  • Lower levels of testosterone in men and oestrogen in women (particularly after the menopause)

  • Age related and health problems - e.g. mobility, thyroid issues

  • Side effects from medications - e.g. blood pressure and prostate medication, anti-depressants,

  • Long term high levels of alcohol use, or misuse of drugs

Our carnal urges can easily strain relationships when there's a mismatch. Early in our relationship we had such tension. We weren't miles apart, but as is the more common scenario, younger partner Owen wanted to have sex more than Jeremy did. J felt pressure into having sex when he didn't always feel like it, and Owen felt guilty in wanting to act on the urges he had, and rejected when his affections weren't reciprocated.

Differences in sex drive can lead to both partners feeling upset, rejected and anxious

Aligning a mismatch in sex drive isn't always a straightforward solution, but the beginning of finding one is simple: Talking. Even though we all do it, sex can be a tricky subject to bring up and talk about openly and honestly, even with (often especially with) our partners. As such what can start as a small problem can escalate into a larger one, and cause significant rifts in relationships when they perhaps didn't need to.

Opening an honest dialogue with your partner can help you understand the reasons behind each others actions or inactions. This in turn can help you find compromises and/or solutions for the discrepancy in the bedroom. For O and J it turned out that Jeremy has just never had a particularly high sex drive. Understanding that helped Owen not feel as rejected by his turned down advances. By agreeing that J could hint more at when he was in the mood more it took pressure off both of and helped make sex become more fun again.

This isn't a solution for everyone - as there are numerous other personal reasons for wanting sex different amounts - but merely an example of how an honest conversation can lead to a solution. It may be that some needs are simply being unfulfilled or misunderstood that is easily resolvable. It could be just a short term issue that gets resolved when stress at work eases up. Where differences are less resolvable, in some instances it can lead to a opening up a relationship* in some way. Sex is a very personal and emotional thing for all of us, so what will work for you and your partner is individual to your situation. Voicing your frustrations in a calm, respectful and honest way, and truly listening to your partner in the same manner will help you work towards resolving your differences as a couple, and make you stronger for it too.

x The Age Gap Guys x

*N.B. This isn't the article to discuss such a topic, but open relationships are a serious undertaking for a couple and shouldn't be taken lightly.



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